Cool Moms Care

Give Yourself Permission

December 17, 2009 · 1 Comment

I was giggling in sympathy with my fellow Cool Moms Care blogger Joslyne when I read her recent post titled “Pee, Pride and the Mall.” Haven’t we all had experiences where we not only felt like pulling our hair out in frustration over some adventure in parenting…and probably looked like we’d been doing it, too?

I specifically recalled the day that I took my then-three-week-old son to the mall to inquire about getting his first portrait taken at the Sears photo studio. At the time, our family was living in Southern California, and the closest mall and photo studio was at least an hour away from our house. So I’d had a sleepless night with a hungry, fussy baby, and then I’d gotten up and driven 70 miles to the mall, only to have trouble with the stroller, the baby and finding a good quiet place to sit and nurse. I ran a couple of simple errands, got something to eat at the food court (I have no idea what), and then went to the photo studio. It was the sort of jaunt that, pre-baby, would have taken me maybe an hour and almost zero energy. As the mother of a new baby on her first major solo errand run, well, let’s say it took considerably longer. And it required considerably more energy, too.

At the end of it all, I was practically bent over double. I headed back out to the car. In the parking lot, I struggled with the stroller as my son wailed pitifully from his carseat. An older lady pulled her car into the vacant spot next to my car, and as she got out, she eyed me with great compassion.

“Are you okay?” she said carefully and kindly.

I looked up at her, practically blinded with my own tears.

“No. No, no, I’m not,” I managed to choke out.

She studied me quietly and suggested mildly, “Maybe it’s not such a good idea that you try to drive right now. Why don’t you just rest for a little while first.”

I don’t know what I responded, but I’m sure I probably nodded dumbly before collapsing into the front seat of my car. I do remember sobbing my heart out over the steering wheel while my child continued to cry in the backseat. At some point, the crying slowed and stopped..well, at least mine did…and I started to feel a little bit more in control. Eventually, I was able to take some deep breaths and start the car and take us home, to where my husband was waiting for us with open arms.

I once thought that I knew there would be low moments at times in parenting, but I didn’t really know it, at a bone-deep level, until I was experiencing it myself right then. So now, when I encounter someone who clearly seems to be at her wit’s end, I remember. I remember that once upon a time, another person’s kind soft words gave me permission to open up to myself, to acknowledge that I didn’t always have to be okay all the time. And that, in turn, gave me permission to wail and cry and gnash my teeth…and then move forward.

- Jennifer Larson

→ 1 CommentCategories: Development · Family · self-esteem

Pee, Pride and the Mall

December 15, 2009 · 4 Comments

Lately, Zoey (my 19 month old) has been, uh, “uncooperative” when it’s time to get in her car seat.  As in she pitches a monumental fit.  There is screaming.  Flailing. And, oh, the dreaded back arching.  In general she is communicating, Dude, I DO NOT want to get in.  Take the hint already.  Now, I am not completely without sympathy.  Being a toddler sucks.  Zoey is probably told ‘no’ hundreds of times a day. No, don’t put that in your mouth.  No, you can’t draw with the sharpie.  No putting glitter on the dog.  No strangling the cat.  No rubbing ketchup in your hair. No. No. No. But tragically, for at least one member of our household, I have decreed that when we come and go in the car is not up to those who lack the proper height and documentation to drive.  So being a toddler continues to suck.

And not to be all me, me, me, but sometimes being the mom of a toddler sucks.  Like this past Sunday.  I packed Zoey up to take her to the mall.  For the record, Zoey loves the mall.  Once she is there.  But Zoey, being a toddler, has no concept of time.  Now means now.  Later means now.  Soon means now.  And ‘In twenty minutes’ apparently means AT THE END OF TIME (cue dramatic, ominous music). But, due to the above mentioned rule, her butt was in the car seat.  Eventually.  So we were off! But then we hit major holiday mall traffic.  And had trouble finding a space.  So the 20 minute drive took 40.

I lugged the stroller out of the trunk and managed to unfold its “easy-fold” frame with a few well placed kicks.  I artfully arranged and then rearranged her sippy cup, my water bottle, an umbrella, and the baby bag under the stroller until it all fit.  Then I attempted to unclip my daughter from her seat.  She was holding a baby doll by the hair in one hand and a cup of goldfish in the other.  She wouldn’t let go of either.  After much mooshing (fine, this isn’t ‘technically’ a word but I bet you know what I mean), bending, and stretching we got everyone and everything out of the car.  Only to discover that someone had peed her pants.  Note: pants, not the diaper.  I stood there, wet-butted daughter in my arms, SUVs whizzing by me way too quickly, I sighed and thought, No no no no.

Now I get that this isn’t the end of the world.  It probably didn’t even qualify as bad – definitely not like cancer-bad, or war-bad, or even stomach-flu-bad.  But, just so you know, I am usually the type of person that would give up at this point.  I would pack it up and go home and be sullen about it for the rest of the day.  And yes, I realize that you aren’t that type of person, you would have had a change of pants with you, and you probably don’t mope.  What. Ever.

But suddenly, out there in the drizzle and gray of the parking lot, I was as sick of saying no as Zoey was of hearing it.  My daughter went in her stroller.  We navigated the crowds and bought a pair of three dollar leggings from Sears.  And once we were all dry in all the right places, we shopped.  We shopped like nobody’s business.  We walked through the mall with pride.  We stood in line a little to close to the cologne display at the Gap.  But we stood there with pride — stinky, smelly, eye watering pride.  We completed our gift list. Yes, yes (yes!) we did.  How do ya like them apples?

Sometimes being a mom rocks.

- Joslyne Decker

→ 4 CommentsCategories: Activities · Family · Holiday · self-esteem

Celebrate The Holidays With Music

December 14, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Winter wonderland

“Happy Holidays! A Winter Wonderland”

When: December 19, 2009 at 11:00 a.m.

Who: The Nashville Symphony

Where: Laura Turner Concert Hall, Schermerhorn Symphony Center

What: Celebrate the holiday season at this family-friendly concert with a lively mix of treasured favorites, including music from The Polar Express and The Night Before Christmas, along with storytelling and a few surprises. Come share in the goodwill of the season, and join in a high-spirited sing-along, which is sure to put a warm, cozy glow on a cold winter’s day.

Presented in partnership with the Children’s Kindness Network, a nonprofit dedicated to teaching children about kindness through activities, music and literature.

Click here for more information.

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Activities · Attitude of Gratitude · Development · Education · Family · Holiday

I Hope She Dances

December 10, 2009 · 6 Comments

Last Sunday was my four-year-old daughter’s first dance recital. It took place in a real auditorium, complete with a large stage, professional lighting, and rows and rows of seats. Kyla wasn’t prepared for how big the room was or how high the stage was, or how many seats there were out in the audience.

All of the dance studio’s pupils were set to perform, and they were all congregating backstage. I led my little pink-dressed girl to an enormous room filled to the brim with dancers from ages 3 to 18. As we made our way to her group, Kyla’s eyes were huge with wonder. To our left, two teenage girls were practicing their ballet, to the right, four elementary-age girls were practicing their tap routine. Directly in front of us was a screen with a live feed from the theater.

I watched Kyla as she tried to absorb all that was going on. It was a bit chaotic and overwhelming for me so I can only imagine how it seemed for someone so small. As I sat with her waiting for her teacher to arrive, I asked her how she was doing. She looked at me and said “I am getting a little scared.” I asked her if she could tell me why. She said that she couldn’t remember her dance. She was watching all of the older girls practicing and she thought she should be doing the same. I comforted her and told her that she didn’t need to practice. It would all come back to her when she got on stage and followed her teacher’s lead.

As I took my seat in the theater, I couldn’t help wondering how Kyla was going to react to being on stage in front of hundreds of people. I admit, I sometimes project my insecurities on my daughter. I have never been one to enjoy the limelight. My father had to hold me back from practically running down the aisle at my wedding. I clearly don’t like being the center of attention.

Kyla’s group was number 19 out of 24 performances. As the little four-year-olds in their pink dresses walked out on the stage, I saw Kyla’s eyes get huge as she looked out on the audience. They all froze in a crooked line. As Vince Gill’s version of “Let There Be Peace On Earth” began to play over the loud speakers, I watched Kyla go from being unsure to being comfortable on stage. Through eyes blurred with tears, I watched my little girl dance her heart out.

That stage is like life. There are going to be times when new experiences will seem overwhelming. There will be times when she won’t be sure what to do. And, there will be times when she must take chances.

I don’t want her to be held back by fear or uncertainty. Instead, when the world is looking at her, when the music starts to play and the lights shine, I hope she finds herself, remembers that there are those in the audience that love her and support her, and most of all, I hope she dances.

- Malinda Moseley

→ 6 CommentsCategories: Development · Family · self-esteem

Be Thankful Every Day

December 9, 2009 · Leave a Comment

So here we are, entering the second week of December already. We’ve left Thanksgiving in the dust. The turkey is nothing but a tasty memory, and the little ceramic Pilgrim salt-and-pepper shakers have been buried once again in their bubble wrap until next year.

But there’s one aspect of Thanksgiving that I don’t want to lose sight of, even as the Santa Clauses and blinking lights take over the landscape. I don’t want to forget, until Nov. 1, 2010, that I have so much to be thankful for. And I don’t want my child to forget, either.

We spent the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, coaching our three-year-old son about the notion of gratitude. “What are you thankful for?” I’d ask him every day. Some days, he’d just be silly and say, “Me! I’m thankful for me!” But then there were other days, when he’d answer more thoughtfully. He’d mention his mommy, his daddy, his grandparents, his nice warm house, all his toys, his buddies from preschool. When you’re three years old, those really are the biggies. And really, they line up with most of the things that most of us adults are grateful for: our families, our friends, shelter.

So I’m going to try to be grateful for those blessings all year ’round this time. I’m going to try to say thank you for those blessings more often. And hopefully I can inspire my child to remember those things that make his life fuller and richer, too.

- Jennifer Larson

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Attitude of Gratitude · Development · Family

Runner Girl

December 8, 2009 · 3 Comments

What was once an ‘easy, short run’ for me was a ‘hard, long walk’.

Over the weekend I did the Jingle Bell 5k to raise money for the Arthritis Foundation. I have fibromyalgia.  And it felt like an important thing to do.  Plus, it was a chance to wear a santa hat.  My running partner, Kate, did the race with me.  We train together 3 times a week and ran our first half marathon last spring.  But here’s the thing: this time we didn’t run.  We walked.  Slowly.  Very, very slowly.  Not to put too fine a point on it, but we walked so slowly that a woman huluahooping and walking finished waaay before us.  A police woman told us that we had to get on the sidewalk because we were holding up traffic.  Sort of.  Her exact words were, “We can only keep the road closed for so long.  Move over.”  We didn’t finish dead last, but we were close.  The few that finished behind us were the very old or the very young (like the 6 year old that finished just behind us.  But don’t worry, we picked up the pace to beat her to the finish line. Booya!).

I identify myself as a runner.  I have a ‘runner girl’ sticker on my car.  And yes, I also have the 13.1 sticker.  In fact, I still sometimes wear my half marathon finisher’s medal around the house.   Running is part of my life beyond being a mom.  Running makes me proud.  It makes me strong.   I haven’t been able to run since the end of October due to fibromyalgia (intense body pain and fatigue).  And finding my pride and strength elsewhere has been a challenge.

All through the race I watched people pass us and thought variations of I should be able to walk faster than them because they  ______ (are older, are heavier, are 4 years old, don’t have the right shoes, never did a half marathon,  are wearing jeans, are hula hooping, are a dog with teeny tiny legs, etc. etc.). And yet.

And yet I was out there, at the end of the pack, walking.  I was out there with a running partner who could have been running but chose to walk with me.  I was out there walking for the Arthritis Foundation.  A friend from afar had even made a generous donation to the foundation in my honor.  And I was out there walking so my daughter, bundled against the cold, could see me finish.  What was once an ‘easy, short run’ for me was a ‘hard, long walk’.  But I did finish.  And I’m working on feeling proud and strong again.  Slowly.  Very, very slowly.  But I’ve got good company.  And people that are proud of me.  Not to put too fine a point on it, but that’s a darn good start.

Tons of love and thanks to Kate, Carla, Demetri, and Zoey.

- Joslyne Decker

→ 3 CommentsCategories: Activities · Attitude of Gratitude · Family · Health & Wellness · Healthcare & Medical Issues · Runs/Walks · Volunteer · self-esteem

Christmas Is About Giving.

December 7, 2009 · Leave a Comment

My hope is that my little girl will begin to experience what a gift it is to give.

My daughter loves to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, no matter the time of year. She doesn’t understand the whole story – how Charlie Brown struggles to make sense of the chaos and commercialism that has become the Christmas season. She just loves to watch Snoopy being silly. Christmas time is a fun time, to be sure. However, it is quite easy to get caught up in the decorating, the eating, the overspending and let’s face it, the selfishness.

I sometimes feel like Charlie Brown standing on the stage yelling in frustration “Isn’t there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?” But, here’s the thing: I do know what it is all about. Sometimes I just get too caught up in the noisy chaos of the season.

My hope is that one day my daughter will know what Christmas is ALL about. I hope that she will grasp the true meaning of Christmas like Linus does when he answers Charlie Brown’s question. When he stands on the stage and says,  “Lights, please”, it illustrates that to me that only when I am willing to be quiet and shut out all other distractions can I focus on the truth of Christmas.

Christmas is not about getting things (think Lucy wanting real estate, Sally wanting “her fair share”.) Christmas is about giving. It is about the ultimate gift of love given to every one of us. I want my daughter to know what it means to give – what a blessing it is not only to the receiver, but the giver as well.

What are some ways you and your children give?

- Malinda Moseley

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Activities · Attitude of Gratitude · Development · Education · Family · Holiday · Volunteer

Home for the Holidays

December 4, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Celebrate the holidays with the Nashville Symphony.

Got plans next Thursday night, December 10?

Take the kids to celebrate the holidays with a family-friendly concert featuring such seasonal favorites as “Let There Be Peace on Earth,” “Joy to the World,” “Silver Bells,” “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” and many more!

Sing along with the Nashville Symphony and Chorus and the Blair Children’s Chorus!

Location: Schermerhorn Symphony Center

Click here for more information.

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Activities · Family · Holiday

Toy Drive at the Nashville Zoo

December 3, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Donate toys at the Nashville Zoo this weekend.

Metro Nashville Police Department’s Mounted Patrol Division will collect donated toys for its annual Christmas Basket Program on Dec. 5 and 6 at Nashville Zoo.

Metro police officers will collect the toys in the Zoo’s parking lot from 9 a.m. – 4 p.m. on December 5th and 6th. As an added incentive, the Zoo is offering a complimentary Nashville Zoo admission ticket for every new toy donated.

Metro officers will also accept letters written to Santa Claus that they will deliver to the North Pole in time for Christmas, and horses from the Mounted Patrol Division will be available for guests to meet.

The toy drive is part of the Metro Police Department’s 48th annual Christmas Basket Program, a charity drive designed to collect toys and other items for area families in need of assistance during the holidays. In addition, the Metro Police Department is assisting with USA Cares, a charity that supports wounded military veterans and their families.

The Zoo’s gift shop will also accept donated toys throughout December for the Christmas Basket Program. Police officers will deliver the donated toys to children on the morning of Dec. 24.

Zoo admission is not required to donate toys. Toys must be unwrapped and designed for children 12 and younger. The complimentary Zoo tickets may be used anytime during normal Zoo hours through the end of January 2010.

Click here for more information

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Activities · Animals & Wildlife · Attitude of Gratitude · Family · Holiday · Poverty · Volunteer

I Hate(d) Taylor Swift

December 2, 2009 · 1 Comment

I’ll admit it. I’m a bit of a snob when it comes to music. No, I don’t think the music I like is the only music worth listening to. I think music is at its core pure self-expression. That means you can listen to whatever you like and call it “good” — but that doesn’t mean you’re right.

Hence, the snobiness.

So, a few years ago when I first heard about Taylor Swift and her wildly popular, Internet sensation “Tim McGraw,” I gave it a listen. And was underwhelmed.

Or maybe I was just jealous. Jealous that all those songs I wrote and recorded in my bedroom as a teenager were by any comparison, terrible. And the songs she was writing were at a minimum, tolerable.

Ok, they were more than tolerable. There was actually some substance to her songs. Some movement in the story. Some beginning, middle and end.

But that still didn’t mean I had to like it. I could tolerate her less-than-pitch-perfect vocals, but doggonit, I wasn’t going to be happy about her meteoric rise to stardom or her multi-million selling albums.

About the same time Taylor was realizing her 16-year-old megastar status, I was chasing a one-year-old mini-me around, learning what it meant to be a parent (our daughter looked a lot more like me when she had no hair — now, thankfully she’s no longer my doppelgänger.)

Since I’ve never been much of a Country Music fan, and parenting is a fairly time-consuming task, Taylor fell off my radar for a couple years. Then, in the last year, her new album debuted at #1 on the Billboard Album Chart, she got interrupted by Kanye, hosted SNL and has become a permanent fixture in America’s zeitgeist.

Still, I don’t have to be happy about it.

But then one morning, while I was driving my daughter to school, it happened. As is frequently the case, I’ll not realize a certain song or artist has been playing on the radio until the song is nearly over (this regrettably happens with artists like Chris Daughtry, Christopher Cross and Kriss Kross) — and on this morning, it was Taylor Swift and her song “Love Story.”

As I reached towards the radio to switch the station, I noticed a little pigtailed head bobbing along in the back seat. I paused and asked “Kyla, do you like this song?” And she confirmed. In the brief time the song had been playing, this song had become her “favorite song” and invariably Taylor Swift had become her “favorite singer.”

And I thought about it. “Is this a good thing? Will I allow my daughter to choose one whom I have grown to dislike as her ‘favorite’?”

And, once you start to think about it, the answer is of course, “yes.”

“Yes” because I couldn’t in that moment (or in the moments since) come up with many better role models for my little girl. How could I not hope my daughter one day has passion and talent enough to pursue, track down and achieve her life-long goal? And how could I not pray that she does that all while remaining close to her family, full of pride and dignity, and without selling herself or her body to the highest bidder.

Parenthood forces us to look at nearly everything through smaller eyes and hear nearly everything through smaller ears.

After Santa puts “Fearless” in Kyla’s stocking this holiday, I feel certain we’ll be listening to Taylor Swift through those ears and hearing her in a completely new way.

- Stephen Moseley

→ 1 CommentCategories: Development · Diversity · Family · Holiday · self-esteem