Put the wind at her back when she runs.
As I write this, Zoey, my 21 month old, is sitting on her new potty. It’s an Elmo-themed toddler-sized toilet seat that fits over the regular seat in our bathroom. Zoey is carefully looking through a Sesame Street book as she is perched on her new throne. She points out the characters to me: “Ig Ird! Ookie Onter! Emo!” I am sitting on the floor at her feet in the age-old position of student and teacher. I listen, enthralled. To my surprise, I notice that I am also a little sad.
Potty training is the beginning of Zoey becoming independent. Between this new potty seat and the fact that Zoey and I are visiting a school later in the week, I’m feeling a little undone. It’s not that I’ll miss changing diapers or that I have no idea what to do with 4 hours of free time a week. Please. Bye-bye diapers! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out! And free time? Hm, let me think about that for half a second . . . . I’m feeling a little blue because my life and Zoey’s life are going to be on different paths more and more often. She is going to have experiences that I’m not there to see. Or to protect her from. And it will be good for both of us . . . right?
So, Big-World-Out-There, big beautiful world, please be kind to my daughter. Show her how things grow and how to be kind and how to walk her own path. Catch her when she falls. Put the wind at her back when she runs. And help her remember the way home. Please, world, please.
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6 responses so far ↓
Alicia // February 9, 2010 at 12:50 pm |
Sometimes it seems like each days day stretches out twice its length, and changes are nearly imperceptible. Then comes a milestone. Or two! It’s easy to tell you to enjoy the changes, independence is your gift to Zoey, you’ll both be the better for it. While I believe these things, I also want you to know I remember feeling a bit melancholy. How could you NOT miss your child’s neeeeed for you as it lessens and morphs into other kinds of need. That daily survival dependence can be heady stuff.
Again, thank you for writing with such honesty. I wish I had something like this when my kids were small.
ErinM // February 9, 2010 at 2:56 pm |
Stop making me get all teary-eyed this early in the day! I sometimes imagine the world not being kind to my daughter (which is inevitable), and I just don’t know how I will deal with it. I guess all we can do is give our kids the tools with which they can make lemonade out of lemons and hope for the best. But I’m still sitting on the clock and trying to convince it to stop ticking. Some days, anyway….
kate c // February 9, 2010 at 3:24 pm |
Wow. That was so beautifully said.
julestone // February 9, 2010 at 7:00 pm |
I cried when my youngest had his 4th birthday at Chuck E. Cheese because I knew we would never again celebrate birthdays quite that innocently (even though that huge mouse is SCARY). You are such a great mom, Jos, to move through these moments and actually live them as they are happening. It’s a beautiful thing.
Ron // February 9, 2010 at 10:51 pm |
Although the paths may change, they will cross often nad bring you together…closer each time.
The fondness replaces the sense of absense, and there will be times when not having been there in a given moment creates an opportunity to share a story and have a conversation.
I watched the daily subtle changes with my son growing up and the distance between us in miles has brought us closer together in spirit.
Trust yourselk Jos, you are a wonderful mother and that is your reward.
Be well.
AB // February 10, 2010 at 5:03 am |
I am a 29 year old woman who is financially independent thanks to my mom and dad’s guidance. But, I can tell you, even though I can take perfectly good care of myself, when the world is unkind to me, my mom and dad are the first ones I call. But the only reason that is the case is because they taught me how to be independent and take care of myself. It sounds like Zoey will always have that kind of mom in you too.