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Entries categorized as ‘Safety’

Still Helping Haiti

February 24, 2010 · Leave a Comment

It’s been six weeks since a significant earthquake struck Haiti, and while a lot of money has been raised, the relief efforts continue. And, the rebuilding efforts will take years. You can help make a difference in a lot of very unique ways:

- Sam Davidson

Categories: Activities · Attitude of Gratitude · Conservation & the Environment · Diversity · Food & Beverage · Health & Wellness · Healthcare & Medical Issues · Politics & Justice · Poverty · Safety · Travel · Volunteer

Dear World

February 9, 2010 · 6 Comments

Put the wind at her back when she runs.

As I write this, Zoey, my 21 month old, is sitting on her new potty. It’s an Elmo-themed toddler-sized toilet seat that fits over the regular seat in our bathroom. Zoey is carefully looking through a Sesame Street book as she is perched on her new throne. She points out the characters to me: “Ig Ird! Ookie Onter! Emo!” I am sitting on the floor at her feet in the age-old position of student and teacher. I listen, enthralled. To my surprise, I notice that I am also a little sad.

Potty training is the beginning of Zoey becoming independent. Between this new potty seat and the fact that Zoey and I are visiting a school later in the week, I’m feeling a little undone. It’s not that I’ll miss changing diapers or that I have no idea what to do with 4 hours of free time a week. Please. Bye-bye diapers! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out! And free time? Hm, let me think about that for half a second . . . . I’m feeling a little blue because my life and Zoey’s life are going to be on different paths more and more often. She is going to have experiences that I’m not there to see. Or to protect her from. And it will be good for both of us . . . right?

So, Big-World-Out-There, big beautiful world, please be kind to my daughter. Show her how things grow and how to be kind and how to walk her own path. Catch her when she falls. Put the wind at her back when she runs. And help her remember the way home. Please, world, please.

- Joslyne Decker


Categories: Activities · Attitude of Gratitude · Development · Family · Health & Wellness · Safety · self-esteem

Our Adoption Story IV: Getting Ready

December 1, 2009 · 3 Comments

The next step was talking to the birth mother on the phone. She had some questions for us. We had some questions for her. And just to make things more interesting, Victoria, the birth mom, was having early but painful contractions. Demetri and I sat on our bed, side by side, hand in hand, each on separate phone extensions. I’m not going to share the specifics of the phone call, it involved too many personal details for all involved. But I will tell you that Victoria’s voice was thin and strong at the same time – like a thousand folded origami cranes that have the power to make a wish come true. I sounded too cheerful, too ready.  My husband, Demetri, sounded kind, patient.  He sounded like he is – the kind of guy that wears work pants and wool sweaters and likes to tinker in the garage.

We did not have that ‘instant connection’ with Victoria that I had so often read about. And it hurt me. The conversation was flat, halting, empty.  It left me feeling raw around the edges with a tender, fleshy hole inside. The social worker, who mediated the call, reminded us that Victoria was in pain. She told us that what might be the happiest day in our life was going to be the hardest day in Victoria’s life.  And there’s just no way to balance that.  None. But despite the guarded phone conversation, or maybe because of it, we had a match.  Victoria picked us.  We picked her.  We picked to have something in common for the rest of our lives.

So, we thought, we’ll have a baby in two weeks.  We marked the due date on the calendar.  We went to bed thinking about all we had to do.  In the morning we decided to go out and get some basic baby stuff.  We consulted Demetri’s two sisters who each have three kids.  We consulted my BFF and her husband who just had their daughter 4 months ago.  We were told to buy lots of baby pajamas but nothing with a waist band.  We were told to get the little shirts with snaps and the cuffs that fold over the hands.  We were told to get a thermometer with a flexible tip and depth marker.  And it was around the suggestion the thermometer that I began to get scared.  Then, we actually went to the baby story and I passed quickly from scared into terrified and panicky.  We couldn’t even tell which clothes were pajamas.  We had to make several phone calls.  Demetri’s sister finally said, “Just look for things with snaps and built-in feet.”  We also bought a couple of baby gown bags because someone said it made diaper changing easy.  And socks.  Tenny, tiny socks.  There were more consultation phone calls about what constitutes a swaddling blanket as opposed to a regular blanket.  There were Google searches about baby bottles and BPA.  We bought the smallest size diapers they made. We bought a sturdy canvas baby bag to put everything in.

We came home exhausted.  My mom made us chicken, twice baked potatoes, green beans, and watermelon for dinner.  We went to bed early.  We slept well.  We woke up and decided to paint the hall way so that when the baby came home in a few weeks the house would look nice.  Like she could even see that far in front of her face.  But we didn’t know that at the time – we hadn’t read the parenting book yet.  We were holding up paint swatches in the sun coming through the window, trying to decide between moon mist and linen, when my cell phone rang.  It was Brenda, the social worker calling to check in.  She said these words exactly, “You can go to Rhode Island and pick-up your little girl.  She was born an hour ago.”

Our suitcase was filled with dirty laundry.  We carried the baby bag on the plane with us.  And nothing, nothing, could have pried that bag from my hands. Two hours after getting news of the birth we were on a plane.  72 hours after finishing our home study we were on our way to pick up our daughter.  And 11 hours after she was born we saw her for the first time.  Sometimes babies come early.  Who knew?

- Joslyne Decker

Categories: Attitude of Gratitude · Development · Education · Family · Health & Wellness · Safety · Travel · self-esteem

Our Adoption Story II: Paperwork

November 17, 2009 · 4 Comments

Ok. So maybe deciding to adopt wasn’t as quick and easy as I made it sound in the last post. True, my husband, Demetri, and I had been talking about adoption before we got married. But it wasn’t always with certainty. There was a lot of fear and anxiety. What if we can’t connect to someone else’s baby? What if there are health problems? What if a birth mother never chooses us? We researched adoption. We read books. We watched informational videos. We overcame our fears enough to move forward. And we were met with a whole new set of questions: Did we have a preference for gender, race, or age? Were we willing to adopt a baby from a birth mom who did not get prenatal care? Who smoked marijuana? Who drank during pregnancy? Who had a history of any kind of mental illness?

We did more research. Read more books. Had lots of talks, discussions, and arguments with each other and ourselves. Gradually we were able to answer the questions. We did not have a preference for gender or race. However, I was adamant that we adopt a new born. As a social worker I had worked with many kids that had been adopted after they were a year or older. These kids were great, and many of their families were great, but some of the kids were working their way through Reactive Attachment Disorder.* And it was always a long, hard battle for everyone involved. Although I was good at working with these kids in a 50 minute session, I knew my limits. We would not be adopting an ‘older’ child. We also decided that we were only willing to work with birth moms that had at least some prenatal care, who did not drink during pregnancy, and with a limited history of mental illness (depression and anxiety stuff was OK, Schizophrenia etc. not OK). After consulting a doctor, we decided that infrequent marijuana use was OK. After many discussions, we decided an open (or semi-open) adoption would work well for us and for our baby.

Next up: We had to get a home study. This is the part where a stranger comes into your home (albeit a nice, social worky one) and evaluates your potential for parenthood. And, if you live where I live, you are asked to sign a “statement of faith” promising to raise a child you don’t even have yet in “the one true faith” as a “follower of Christ”. This presented a . . . “problem” for me. Demetri and I were totally unwilling to sign a statement of faith. For one, we would be lying. For two, one does not need to be “a follower of Christ” to be a good parent. Apparently, in this part of the south they haven’t heard that two-thirds of the world is not Christian. I called out of state and tried to cut a deal where we would pay for hotel and meals so a social worker could complete a home study. No luck. Finally, through a referral from Demetri’s work, we found a teeny tiny local agency (they didn’t even have a web site) that did not require a statement of faith. Thank god!

We cleaned the house like it had never been cleaned before. We gave Gilmore, our dog, a bath. We framed pictures in which we thought we looked ‘parental’. We put fire extinguishers in visible places in various rooms. I bought fancy cheese and crackers to serve as a snack. We put on nice clothes. Nice but not too nice — we didn’t want to look like we were trying too hard. We had our paperwork in a brand new, crisp purple folder. We didn’t wear shoes when the social worker arrived so that we would look “casual and relaxed” when she came to the door.

The social worker came. She evaluated. She was kind. She gave us another binder full of paperwork. Yes, a binder. We had to get references. Check-ups and blood tests from the doctor (I even needed a special note as I had a history of minor depression). Proof of marriage. Our educational transcripts (with the college seal). A note from the vet. Fingerprints. Yes, Demetri got fingerprinted at a gun store. Well, not just a gun store, the place also weighed dead deer. As much as I love guns and dead animals, I chose another location for my fingerprints. We also each wrote a 7 page biography. And no, we were not allowed to skip over the embarrassing moments of middle school, poor choices that were made about men while abroad, or that one Grateful Dead concert. So yeah, the paperwork was all vaguely humiliating.

The end result? We passed.

* There are many, many “older” children who are adopted that never ever have to deal with this issue.

- Joslyne Decker

Categories: Diversity · Education · Family · Health & Wellness · Healthcare & Medical Issues · Safety

Simple Act of Appreciation

November 11, 2009 · Leave a Comment

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Thank a veteran today.

I was with my grandfather at the grocery store the other day when a woman approached us. She noticed my grandfather’s hat that said “World War II Veteran” and wanted to tell him how much she appreciated his service to our country. She had worked as a nurse at a VA hospital for years and said each time she sees a war veteran she makes it a point to tell them how much she appreciates their service. A few minutes later at the other side of the store a man came up to my grandfather and saluted him. It turns out he had served in Korea. These simple acts of appreciation not only touched my grandfather, but me as well.

I started to think about how I could instill in my son (and myself) the same sense of appreciation. How much do I really know about Veterans Day? What are some ways that I can let my grandfather (and other veterans) know I am thankful for them? How do I get my son involved? I came across a great website that breaks down all things veteran into sections for children in school from grades K-5 and grades 6-12. There is even a section for teachers. There are games and activities, cool facts about veterans, and ways you can get involved.

This Veterans Day, let’s all take the time to say thank you to the veterans in our lives, and involve our children in the process.

http://www4.va.gov/kids/

- Helen Trabue

Categories: Activities · Attitude of Gratitude · Education · Family · Holiday · Safety · Volunteer · self-esteem

The Silver Thread

October 23, 2009 · 3 Comments

Last week at Gymboree there was a parachute catastrophe. Well, maybe not a catastrophe, per se . . . maybe more like a debacle. Whatever it was, it changed me as a mom. And it may have scared Zoey, my one year old, away from parachutes for life. It was a big class — 20 or more kids, plus their ‘accompanying adult’ (Our good friend Niki and her daughter Charlotte included). It was such a big class that the big parachute* was taken out. The parachute is supposed to be the highlight of every class. It is supposed to be the most fun. And we, as accompanying adults, are supposed to think it’s the cutest thing. Ever.

So there we are: 20 kids and at least 20 adults, all abuzz with big parachute excitement. We get to the part where the kids are supposed to sit in the middle of the chute while we, the accompanying adults, lift up the edges, walk in a circle, and sing a song about a monkey. But this time, there were so many kids, that they were scattered all over the parachute, not just in the center. When we lifted up the edges a bunch of kids (Zoey among them) went tumbling. The highly trained Gymboree teacher assured us this was OK. Although it seemed less OK to me as the kids continued to tumble over each other. It was a giant pile of babies — which might have been cute if many of the babies hadn’t been screaming (Zoey among them).

Zoey looked up at me from the center of the melee, tears streaming down her face, and wailed, “Na-na!” ** My vision tunneled, and there was only Zoey, scared and needing me. At that moment if anyone has gotten in my way they would have been leveled. Leveled. Her little butterfly of a hand closed around my index finger and that invisible, silver thread that always connects us, always pulls her back to me — touching or not, became steel. Just as I was about to do a slow motion, layout jump into the parachute screaming, “GET AWAY FROM MY BABY”, Niki grabbed Zoey’s other hand and we pulled her out. *** We will be getting a bronze statue of Niki installed in our front yard later in the week.

This 9 seconds was one of the most intense and best experiences of my Reign as Mom. I can say ‘best’ because a) no one was hurt and b) Niki prevented me from making a fool of myself at Gymboree. Another reason I can say ‘best’ is because there was a time I didn’t know if I had the capacity to do what I did — the tunnel vision, mama bear thing.

Did I love Zoey the first moment we met her? Yes. Did I feel connected to her? Not so much . . . I felt overwhelmed and scared and like I had to hold part of myself back in case the adoption didn’t work out. Even after she was legally ours, I felt ‘other’ and wrong and like I wasn’t the good enough mother. Post-partum/post-adoption depression is real. Hormonal, situational, whatever. It’s a dark and lonely place to be. And it’s one hell of a hole to climb out of.

But deep in that muddy, messy hole is where I started to weave that silver thread. I often fumbled it, had to tie knots, had to start over. It’s hard to weave when you can’t see. But I got better at it — learned to go by touch, by heart. The thread got longer and stronger and I climbed up to the light. I climbed out of the hole and was ready to kick ass at Gymboree for that same little baby I used to hold at night, numb, thinking I can’t do this.

Zoey’s little butterfly hand is getting bigger and bigger. Already, sometimes instead of reaching for me, she swats me away. Even though that silver thread will have to get longer and longer — maybe one day even stretch across continents — that thread is forever. And we both know it.

* For those of you not familiar with Gymboree, the appropriate response to the big parachute is ‘Oooooh! Ahhhhhh! Ohhhhh!’.

** The fact that she can’t yet say Mama is the subject for another (bitter) piece.

*** In case you’re wondering, Charlotte was unharmed and remained very serene during the parachute madness

- Joslyne Decker

Categories: Development · Family · Safety · self-esteem

National Teen Driver Safety Week

October 22, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Help save a teen's life.

Help save a teen's life.

When: October 18 – 24, 2009

What: Established by Congress in 2007, National Teen Driver Safety Week is a designated time for parents, schools, and communities to come together to provide solutions for the leading cause of death for teens in the United States — teen driver crashes.

Why: More than 5,000 teenagers will likely die on America’s roads this year. Contributing factors include speeding, drinking, talking on a cellphone, driving at night, and peer passengers.

Helpful links:

http://www.ridelikeafriend.com/parent/

http://www.aamva.org/Publications/TWiR/2009/Month10/Day26/NTDSW2009.htm

http://www.research.chop.edu/programs/youngdriver/ntdsw2009.php

http://www.research.chop.edu/programs/youngdriver/nyds.php

http://news.tennesseeanytime.org/node/2886

Categories: Activities · Development · Education · Family · Health & Wellness · Safety · Travel

Bug Off

July 8, 2009 · Leave a Comment

2612506038_9c5c4c9833_mIf you’re starting to spend more time outdoors this time of year, you’re probably noticing that you’re not alone. That’s right – you don’t have to be outside for too long before bugs and mosquitoes show up. But what’s the greenest way to keep pests away? While home remedies like dryer sheets could help, you could also opt for a more eco-friendly bug spray (click here to read a roundup of what’s available). Or, you could just stick with something that’s DEET-free and a bit more natural when you want to make sure that mosquitoes don’t find you too delicious.

- Sam Davidson

Categories: Family · Health & Wellness · Healthcare & Medical Issues · Safety

Have a Safe 4th of July

July 3, 2009 · Leave a Comment

2639904932_44226fc987_mThe Fourth of July weekend is upon us. Maybe you will be taking the family to see the fireworks display in your community, or maybe you will be enjoying a backyard barbeque with family and friends. Whatever your plans for this holiday weekend, make sure you play it safe.

On a similar note, this week is Eye Safety Awareness Week. Take the time to learn more about how to prevent eye injuries and what to do if your child does suffer an eye injury.

- Malinda Moseley

Categories: Education · Family · Health & Wellness · Healthcare & Medical Issues · Holiday · Safety

Pedal Power

June 26, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Ride a bike to get where you're headed.

Ride a bike to get where you're headed.

Did you know that 190 years ago today, the first bicycle was patented? In honor of that milestone, dust off that two-wheeled transportation machine in the garage and go for a ride. Take the whole family out for a spin and pay a visit to the local farmers market or head off to a park nearby. The benefits for your family are plenty, so make sure to talk to the kids about exercise, preventing pollution, and proper bike safety. You’ll also find that this will provide for some very meaningful family time. Don those helmets and get to pedaling!

- Michelle Andrade

Categories: Activities · Conservation & the Environment · Education · Family · Health & Wellness · Safety