Category Archives: self-esteem

Project SHARE

Posted on August 27, 2010 by coolmomscare| Leave a comment

In February, Mayor Karl Dean convened a Task Force to develop a Child and Youth Master Plan for Nashville and Davidson County. After six months of work, the task force completed Nashville’s first-ever Children and Youth Master Plan.

The plan charged the community to address 14 distinct areas of concern. Included in the plan are the following findings:

• 1/3 of MNPS students responding to a 2007 school culture/climate survey reported not having an adult they could talk to about their problems.

• Community survey respondents ranked ensuring academic achievement and providing a safe and caring school environment as the two most pressing issues that the community needs to work on (CYMP Community Survey, 2010).

• Almost half of school-age children suffer from depression, anxiety or aggression after becoming homeless (The Institute for Children and Poverty)

• Children and youth in Davidson County between the ages of 6-13 report involvement in bullying in some way at significantly higher rates than their peers nationally (Olweus Survey, 2005-2008).

• 1 in every 8 people in Davidson County is unable to read (Community Needs Assessment for Adult Literacy, 2010)

Monroe Harding is addressing these concerns through the Project SHARE program. Project SHARE matches adult volunteers with young people in the elementary schools. Over 500 elementary students need a positive adult in their lives. More volunteers are needed. A commitment of just one hour per week can dramatically change the outcome of a life.

Training will be provided. Contact the Project SHARE Coordinator, Laquita Harrison for more information at (615) 665-1409 or laquitaharrison@tnyouthconnections.net.

Options for volunteering include:

Project SHARE One on One Mentoring: Project SHARE volunteers teach at-risk elementary students skills necessary to engage appropriately and succeed in the classroom. These mentors spend one hour a week working individually with elementary students during the school day, throughout the semester or school year. Activities include reading, helping with class work, playing games or just talking.

Project SHARE English Language Learners Assistants: Spanish speaking volunteers are needed to spend classroom time with elementary students struggling to learn the English language. Teachers present curriculum in English, the volunteers are on-site to assist with class work in both English and Spanish to help ease the learning experience. Other languages welcome as well.

Safe at Last Education (SAL): Volunteers spend approximately ½ hour in each classroom presenting the Safe At Last curriculum to the entire class. Children utilize SAL skills to recognize unsafe situations such as abuse and inappropriate sexual behaviors. The volunteers teach children how to differentiate between good and bad touches, identify safe people, along with assertiveness and problem solving if they are in an unsafe situations.

Bullying Prevention Classroom Participation: Students in metro schools are taught the school-wide anti-bullying philosophy. Mentors help encourage the students to recognize bullying, to respond to it and how to avoid being a bully.

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Posted in Activities, Attitude of Gratitude, Development, Diversity, Education, Family, Safety, Volunteer, self-esteem

Parental Play

Posted on August 19, 2010 by coolmomscare| Leave a comment

They other night while giving my daughter a bath she said, “Mom, I bet you wish you were a kid.”  I asked her why, anxious to hear what she had to say about the matter. Her response was, “because we get to play and you have to work.”

It got me thinking about several things.

First, when was the last time I played? I mean really played like a kid…not caring what others think, oblivious to everything else around me? The answer…it’s been way too long.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy playing with My Little Pony with my daughter and Little People with my son, but I would be lying if I said my whole heart was in it. I need to think about what I enjoy doing as much as my children enjoy playing with ponies or little people, and then do more of it!

Second, does work have to be a bad thing? The answer is no. For many years I had a job that I tolerated, even liked for awhile, but found towards the end that it was work in the worse send of the word. I had no satisfaction, no mental stimulation, no joy in it. I am happy to say that these days I have a job that I enjoy going to. Gone are the days of dreading Monday morning. I find satisfaction and fulfillment in the actual job and in the relationships I have with my co-workers.

So, yes, I HAVE to work in order to pay for things I need. However, it doesn’t really feel like work in the four-letter sense.

Find your passion in work AND play.

- Malinda Moseley

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Posted in Activities, Development, Family, self-esteem

The Great Kindness Challenge

Posted on August 13, 2010 by coolmomscare| Leave a comment

If your family is like mine, Saturdays can be extremely busy. But tomorrow, as my daughter and I go from swimming lessons to dance class, and then run errands in the afternoon, we will be participating in The Great Kindness Challenge.

Presented by Kids For Peace, The Great Kindness Challenge is “one day devoted to performing as many acts of kindness as possible.”

From sunup to sundown  on August 14, children around the world will accomplish simple, kind deeds using The Great Kindness Challenge Checklist. The checklist features 50 acts of kindness from which to choose. A few examples:

  • Hold the door open for someone.
  • Pick up trash in your neighborhood.
  • Smile at 25 people.
  • Feed the birds.

When you are finished, you can share your experiences on The Great Kindness Challenge Facebook page.

Let’s help our kids see that no act of kindness is too small!

About Kids for Peace: Kids for Peace is a global, 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization dedicated to uplifting our world through love and action. It’s mission is “to cultivate every child’s innate ability to foster peace through cross-cultural experiences and hands-on arts, service and environmental projects.”

- Malinda Moseley

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Posted in Activities, Attitude of Gratitude, Development, Education, Family, Volunteer, self-esteem

Innocent Imagination

Posted on July 28, 2010 by coolmomscare| 1 Comment

I have a four and a half year old son that has a very active imagination. He comes up with the craziest thoughts, all of which make perfect sense to him.

For example, while brushing his teeth the other morning I was informing him that we were going to need to replace his mirror in his bathroom. No big deal you say? Um, pretty big deal for Calin. Apparently he loves the tacky 80′s mirror that is currently gracing the wall because when I told him that we were replacing it he pitches a fit. When he finally calms down, he says “I am okay now. I can get a new mirror. They have them in New Mexico.”

Another such story involves sharks. When putting my son to bed recently he told me that sharks live in Alaska in the sea. He then told me that they eat people. I tried to explain that they usually don’t eat people, but bite them and not to worry we weren’t planning on going to Alaska. He asks “so sharks don’t eat people?” I said “no”. His response” “Flying squirrels do.”

This very morning he asked me where heaven was. I told him it was way up in the sky. He thought about this for a minute then looked at me and said “I know, if we fly in a plane to California way up in the clouds we will be in heaven”.

When telling these stories to others, I am often asked two questions. The first being, “How do you keep a straight face?” (the answer being I look away from him to keep from laughing). The second question is, “Are you writing this stuff down?” The answer is yes. I want him to be able to look back years from now and see what an innocent and active imagination he had (and it comes in handy when you need a good laugh).

- Helen Trabue

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Posted in Attitude of Gratitude, Development, Family, self-esteem

The Time Is Always Right

Posted on June 29, 2010 by coolmomscare| 2 Comments

“The time is always right to do the right thing.” This is what Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said. There are a lot of things we can do to help our schools and our community. We shouldn’t judge people by their skin color. Also, we shouldn’t be mean to people because of their accent or size. The right thing to do is to treat people the way you want to be treated. This means if a person hurts you by hand or word, you shouldn’t hurt them back.

There are many things people can do to help our community. One example is the Heifer Project. The Heifer Project is when people give money to buy animals for people in other parts of the world. Another example is The East Tuscaloosa Community Soup Bowl. Some people give money or food. Other people give out sack lunches. Some people prepare hot meals.

At my school we should follow the 3 R’s: Be Responsible, Be Resourceful, and Be Respectful. If everybody followed the 3 R’s, we wouldn’t have anything to worry about. These are a few ways to help our schools and community. It is up to each of us to follow Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s ideas.

Now is the time to do the right thing!!

- Bailey Farish (Age 9, Tuscaloosa, AL)

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Posted in Attitude of Gratitude, Diversity, Education, Politics & Justice, Poverty, self-esteem

Being Brave

Posted on June 18, 2010 by coolmomscare| Leave a comment

My daughter is taking swimming lessons this summer. Usually my husband takes her because I can be somewhat  of an overprotective mother hen. Basically, I get stressed out. It’s hard watching her do something she’s never done before. Her swimming teacher is awesome with her, I know. But, for some reason I just want to jump in when I see her start to falter. Never mind the teacher is right there with her watching her every move.  So, anyway, my husband has been the one taking her. Until last week when he couldn’t.

I found myself sitting on the bench beside the pool watching her teacher take her hand and lead her to the water. She was so small in that great big pool. Yet, she was so brave. One of the things she cannot stand is to put her face in the water. However, she told me after the lesson that her teacher had encouraged her to try to put her face in the water to blow bubbles. She said, “Mommy, I was scared, and I only put my face in half-way, but I tried.” I told her that she was actually very brave and that sometimes new things are scary and it’s okay to take small steps.

As I walked hand in hand with her to our car, I asked myself, “When was the last time I was brave?”

- Malinda Moseley

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Posted in Activities, Family, self-esteem

Paternal Postnatal Depression

Posted on May 26, 2010 by coolmomscare| Leave a comment

First, I want to thank Amanda and Joslyne for their posts on postpartum depression. I suffered PPD after my first child was born. In fact, it was such an ordeal for me that the thought of having another child and possibly going through the depression again paralyzed me. I did go on to have another child…four and 1/2 years later. I confess I was scared to death when I found out I was pregnant. I did not have the elated reaction my husband was expecting. It was because I was afraid of how hard postpartum would be. I must thank my OB/GYN and nurse practitioner for helping me come up with a plan on how the entire birth process would go. Because we were proactive, I had hope. My experience the second time around was much better than the first.

The other day I was listening to the radio when I heard a news blurb about Postpartum Depression in men. It’s something I never really thought about before. But, it makes perfect sense. According to Postpartummen.com, every day over 1000 new dads in the United States become depressed. In addition, if the mother is suffering from PPD, there’s a good chance the father is suffering from depression, too. In fact, up to half of men whose partners have postpartum depression are depressed themselves.

If you know of a new dad that is struggling, there is help and there is hope.

Here are a few resources that might help:

Postpartummen.com

Postpartumdads.org

Study Finds Dads Suffer Postpartum Depression

- Malinda Moseley

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Posted in Education, Family, Health & Wellness, Healthcare & Medical Issues, self-esteem

PPD – Reach for the Light

Posted on May 25, 2010 by coolmomscare| 9 Comments

Last week Amanda Dixon wrote about Postpartum Depression.  Thanks Amanda! And because I don’t think enough people talk about it or acknowledge it, I am going to share my story.  Technically, what I had was Post-Adoption Depression but depression after a baby is depression after a baby.  It sucks.  Actually, it’s worse than that: It is suffering.  It is shame.  It is soul breaking.  

I remember feeling like a shadow of myself – thin and stretched and so tired.  I couldn’t summon the energy to talk to my husband, to coo at my daughter.  At night I would rock my perfect little baby and cry, or just stare out the window at the street lamp, unable to connect with the tiny person in my arms.  And then I couldn’t sleep.  I was so tired and I couldn’t sleep.  I would lay in the guest room so as not to wake my husband and I would cradle a pillow to my chest trying to keep myself together, trying to keep my aching and empty heart in my chest.  I would think about what a terrible mother I was, what a failure.  I couldn’t tell anyone how much I was hurting – I didn’t have the words, I didn’t have the energy, and I was so ashamed.  How could I want a baby so badly – go through all that we did to get her – and then feel like this?   How could I be such an awful person? 

This went on for months.  I thought no one knew.  But people did.  I know now that my parents and my husband noticed.   But they were scared to talk to me about it.   Finally my acupuncturist talked to me about it.  He told me it was OK, it was normal, he told me I was not alone.   And he told me I would be OK.  I believed him.  His words were a spec of light in the dark pit of depression.  I did what he said – I made an appointment with my doctor, I talked to my husband and parents.  And the relief was immense.  It was huge.  It was like the first warm sun of the spring. 

I made some decisions.  I went on medication.  I asked for help.  I talked about my feelings and fears a little more.   And slowly I found my way back to the light, to myself, and to my daughter. 

If you have a new baby, you might be feeling alone.  Babies are cute but they are lousy conversationalists.   No one tells you that becoming a mom is incredibly isolating.  It is.  If you have a new baby, you may be feeling sad.  You may be feeling mad.  You may be feeling worse than you have ever felt before.  It’s OK.  There are others of us who have been there.  We can help you.  Tell someone.  Email someone. Reach out.  There are lots of other moms out there waiting to grab your hand and pull you up into the light.  

(Much thanks to Steve, my acupuncturist, and Niki, my first mom friend, who pulled me into the light)

- Joslyne Decker

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Posted in Education, Family, Health & Wellness, Healthcare & Medical Issues, self-esteem

A True Mother’s Day

Posted on May 11, 2010 by coolmomscare| 11 Comments

So this past weekend was Mother’s Day.  And it wasn’t a great day for me.  Nothing terribly horrific happened.  It just wasn’t the celebration I imagined.  Partly because our two year old woke up at 4 AM.  For the day.   And partly because my husband had to get back on a plane to Tennessee that evening.   But mostly the day was a downer because I had set my expectations so high.  I imagined walking around under blue sky hand in hand with my daughter.   There we would be in our sundresses, meandering among green grass and flowers, the sun warming our shoulders.  Every few minutes my daughter would surely look up at me and tell me what a great mom I am.   My husband would sling his arm around my waist and wax poetic about my many fine and motherly qualities.  I would feel . . . complete.  Competent.  And, dare I say, I imagined feeling blissful. 

But instead, the morning was spent in a crabby haze where Mother’s Day was forgotten due to tiredness and necessity.  I felt exhausted and overextended and underappreciated.  I was reminded that while I love my daughter with my whole heart, some days I do not love being a mom.  I’ll spare you the detailed caveats about how I wouldn’t give my daughter up for anything, about how she is the most special thing to ever happen to me.  Although both those things are true. 

Instead, I’ll tell you that on Mother’s Day I learned to accept myself a little more.  I got the courage to say (and write) that I do not love every moment of motherhood.  Nope, I am not one of those moms.  Instead, I believe that those other moms are either a) crazy or b) lying.   And yes, part of that comes from being jealous.  Because if those moms are telling the whole truth, well, it makes me feel a little smaller and a little less good.   But I’m working on it.  I’m working on growing into my mom self.  I’m working on feeling good about the kind of mom I am.  And for me, that starts with being honest.  So this is for me and for the other exhausted moms out there: I do not always like being a mom.  Sometimes I don’t want to be the mom.  Sometimes I resent it.  And that’s OK.  I am still a good mom.  And Mother’s Day was a great day to realize that.  

- Joslyne Decker

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Posted in Family, Holiday, self-esteem

In Which We Both Survive the First Day of School

Posted on March 9, 2010 by coolmomscare| 2 Comments

Today was my daughter’s first day of school.  Zoey is not yet two, so I’m not sure it ‘technically’ qualifies as ‘school’.  But I can tell you that it felt like school.  It felt like my daughter was old and independent and ready to take on the world.  Well, maybe not the whole world.  But she was definitely ready to take on finger painting.  And the play ground.  And (sniff sniff) a little time away from Mom.

I have been fretting (yes, I fret) about this first day of school for several weeks now.  Five, to be exact.  And all my imaginings have involved some variation of Zoey clinging to my leg while tears flowed off her face like a not so gentle waterfall.  Sometimes I imagined her screaming, “Mami! Don’t leeeeeeeeeeeeave me!” and other times I imagined her crying, “Mami! I can’t be without you! Come baaaaaack!”  True, I didn’t really want her to be in torturous pain at the thought of being without me.  But one does liked to be missed.

Well, I wasn’t missed.  My daughter charged into the classroom and began playing with the baby-dolls without even a backwards glance.  I knelt down, kissed her head, brushed the curls out of her face, and whispered, “Bye Zozo. I’ll be back soon and I’ll miss you and you’re going to have lots of fun and . . .” And then I was brushed aside.  Literally.  If she could have, my darling 22 month old would have said, “Um, yeah. You’re leaving. Thanks for the memo. //   Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” 

So I went to eat strawberry-cheese danishes with my friend whose child is also in the class.  And yes, I peered in the classroom widow on our way up the street.  Humiliatingly, the teacher saw me.  But instead of giving me the laser beam, you-should-not-be-peering-in-my-window, teacher-stare she flashed me the thumbs up.  So we proceeded up the street and into the bakery.   Where we partook in adult time.  I didn’t have to spell out swear words!  No one slobbered into my tea!  I didn’t have to monitor a tiny being for choking, falling, and otherwise un-mannerly behavior!    We clinked our forks and congratulated ourselves for being such good moms and giving our daughters “independent developmental time”.

Then we arrived at the classroom 10 minutes early for pick-up.  We smashed our faces up against the windows and spied on circle time.  And just so you know, we weren’t’ the only moms doing it.  There were two other moms that had gotten there before us and were already peeking.  Losers! I mean, who comes more than 10 minutes early?!  (I didn’t know it was allowed . . .) I guess we all feel the same – it’s nice to drop the kids off, but oh mama, is it great to pick them up again.  

- Joslyne Decker

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Posted in Activities, Development, Education, self-esteem